Apparently, after a man in Aurora was stabbed in a bar fight, he drove home and passed out. After waking up (past noon) on Sunday, he must have realized that that stabbing pain (pun intended) was not the result of too many rounds, but was actually knife-induced. The 35-year-old is currently receiving treatment. [The Chicago Tribune]
 
While it’s hard not to laugh at another’s misfortune, and knives are never funny in practice, stories like this make you wonder… What? I’m not quite sure yet.
 
Here’s a pearl of wisdom from one commentor:“My rule has always been…’too drunk to realize I’ve been stabbed in the chest, too drunk to drive.’”
 
Sage words, my friend. Sage words.

So, remember when I told you all about that new sting operation where cops dress as regular folk and try to catch people who don’t yield to pedestrians? Well, apparently–along with more than 100 warnings– the CPD doled out a healthy dose of confusion. Check out these selections from the Tribune.
 
“James Fugate of the South Side was one of the drivers stopped by police. He held a warning handout, looking perplexed.
 
‘I saw him come out, but he stood right in front of the sidewalk,’ Fugate, 32, said.
 
The decoy would have had to roam a little further into the street for Fugate to realize he was trying to cross, he added.”
 
“‘I saw him, but to be honest, I thought maybe he was drunk or something,’ said Elisa Chessen, 39, of Skokie, who also received a warning.”
 
Awesome.

So, apparently Chicago cops are going to start posing as pedestrians to catch drivers who refuse to yield at crosswalks. Ok.
 
“In the stings, an officer dressed in civilian clothing will enter the crosswalk to cross the street as a vehicle approaches from 140 feet away, officials said. That provides adequate stopping distance based on the 30 m.p.h. speed limit on most streets, officials said. The intersections are not controlled by traffic signals or stop signs, but state and city ordinances require drivers to yield to people in the crosswalk.” [Chicago Tribune]
 
Ok, good idea in theory… I suppose. I get as mad as the next guy when a car comes hurtling down the street, assuming that I will scamper to safety before it crashes into my tiny body. (Hence, I run like an idiot at every crosswalk). Once you’ve been flipped off by a big guy in a Hummer on Howard for crossing during a “Walk” sign, you tend to lose patience.
 
But really? What if the car hits the cop? Doesn’t this seem kind of dangerous? Maybe? Just a little? And it also begs the question: If you hit the cop, do you get a double citation? Failure to yield to a pedestrian and assaulting an officer. Eh, CPD. I just don’t know.

So, I was scanning the Tribune and I came across a blog post titled “Sex, drugs and drinking among Chicago teens.” Take a look at this rather baffling quote from the middle of the article:
 
“But the decline in percentage of teens having sex has stalled over the last seven years, as has the number of teens using condoms. With the rise of abstinence-only education, fewer teens are learning about AIDS or HIV infections in school. And more are obese.”
 
What? Where did that last part come from? I could make a snarky comment about the leap in logic, but I’ll restrain myself.